


I Feel Fine

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adorable Spock, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, T'hy'la, Temporary Amnesia, Whales
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 17:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: After being brought back from the dead, Spock doesn't remember loving Jim.





	

Spock was still adjusting to being alive.

He was peering at himself in the mirror. His time on Genesis had caused his hair to grow longer than he normally wore it. He touched the ends curiously, debating about whether or not to cut his hair.

“It looks nice.”

Spock turned in surprise at the sound. Jim...the Admiral...was standing in the doorway, gazing at him.

“I've never seen you with your hair grown out,” Jim elaborated. “You always keep it so short and neat. It kinda suits you.”

Spock watched as Jim took a step into the room, looking around. “So this is your childhood bedroom...it's pretty much what I expected - bed, bookcase. The vanity’s a bit of a surprise...but then you've always been full of them.” Jim smiled faintly.

“Admiral,” said Spock, clasping his hands behind his back. “Can I do something for you?”

“You can just call me _Jim_ , you know. And I was just...coming to check on you.” Jim fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He appeared to have something on his mind. “I can't imagine what you've gone through...but if you want to talk...” Jim licked his lips and looked at Spock nervously. “Dammit, Spock, I _missed_ you.”

“I apologize for causing you distress.”

“No, no, that's not what I mean,” Jim said. “I'm trying to say that I-”

At the moment, Chekov strode in. “Keptin,” he said. “Mr. Scott said he needs to consult viss you about ze reconstruction of ze Klingon wessel.”

Jim sighed, and Spock observed some reluctance in his eyes. “Alright, Mr. Chekov. Let's go.”

The Admiral followed him out, just Spock's mother was coming in. “Hello, dear,” Amanda said, kissing Spock's cheek. “Is everything alright?”

“I sense that the Admiral has something on his mind which he wishes to divulge to me,” Spock replied.

Amanda smiled wryly. “I would imagine so.”

She seemed to know something Spock did not, but he did not press her. “Mother...” Spock picked up a pair of shears from his vanity and turned to her. “Would you cut my hair? The way you used to when I was a child.”

“Of course, darling.”

* * *

_How do you feel?_

Spock was blindsided by the query. He blinked at the computer. “I do not understand the question,” he said, a little disturbed.

Amanda happened by at that moment. “What is it, Spock?” she asked.

“I do not understand the question, Mother.”

“You're half human. The computer knows that.”

“The question is irrelevant,” Spock countered.

“Spock...the retraining of your mind has been in the Vulcan way, so you may not understand feelings. But as my son, you have them. They will surface.”

Spock thought of the way his crew mates...the way _Jim_...made him feel. Causing stirrings in his emotions.

Spock realized he would not find his answer on Vulcan.

* * *

Strangely enough, Spock first experienced humanity after his resurrection through his melding with the whales.

Whales were simple creatures. Their thoughts were uncomplex. Mostly they thought of food, and of swimming.

But there was still emotion there. Gracie _loved_ her mate George. She loved her unborn child. She even loved Dr. Taylor. But he sensed her longing for the freedom of the ocean.

“They are not, the hell, your whales.”

* * *

Spock could not quite define the sensation he was experiencing as he watched the Admiral interact with Dr. Taylor. He felt strangely _possessive_ , wanting to come between the human female and his compatriot. It was obvious that from the way Jim looked at her, he found her attractive. The prospect of that brought upon Spock a quiet, but nonetheless surprising, rage, simmering on low in his subconscious.

 _Mine_ , some forgotten, primal instinct growled inside him, taking the form of an unsettled feral feline. A Terran lion, or a panther, perhaps. The beast paced in uneasy circles as his James and the woman spoke. Spock's fists clenched involuntarily when Gillian touched Jim's arm. It was an innocuous enough gesture, but nevertheless, Spock's inner animal snarled at that. _Do not touch. He is **mine**._

Later when Jim and Spock were on their own, Spock mentioned, cautiously: “You seemed to get on well with Dr. Taylor.”

“She's a nice girl,” Jim replied as he strode along beside him. “Smart, cares a lot about her whales.”

“And attractive,” Spock added, almost as a question.

Jim chuckled, scratching his jawline in an almost sheepish way. “Couldn't help but notice that. But I'm not interested that way. I'm not exactly a free man.” Jim looked at Spock significantly.

Spock's eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

Jim sighed. “Never mind.”

* * *

As the whales were released into the open ocean, Spock truly understood what joy was.

The crew of the _Bounty_ watched, elated, as the whales glided through the water, singing out happily of their newfound freedom. Almost as if the weather too, was rejoicing with them, the storm clouds dissipated and the sun shone down on them.

The others began jumping into the water, laughing and splashing like children. Jim took a hold of his arm, prying him from the side of the ship, and Spock was pushed under. He emerged, coughing and spluttering, but laughing all the same. James was laughing too, obviously quite pleased with himself.

Spock took advantage of the Admiral’s weakness and pushed a wave of salt water into his face. Jim snorted, taken by surprise, and retaliated by splashing Spock back. The two men horseplayed back and forth, their howls of laughter echoing over the din. Then...Jim was swimming toward him...wrapping his arms around him...embracing him.

Spock stopped. Jim was gazing at him with soft affection in his eyes. It was a look Spock recalled his commanding officer had given him many times before, and now, like then, it made his heart beat faster in his side.

Fingers wove into his hair as he was pulled flush against Jim's chest. Jim leaned forward, pressing his lips to Spock's in a tender kiss.

And then Spock remembered.

The first time Spock laid eyes on Jim and was struck by how beautiful he was. Chess matches and gentle teasing - _flirting_. Painful jealousy at the sight of a woman hanging on Jim's arm. The confliction he felt during his first _pon farr_ , his body wanting T’Pring but his heart yearning for James. The wrenching sorrow at the thought that he had killed his dear friend and the great joy of discovering him alive. Returning to Jim after his failed attempt at achieving _kolinahr_. Confessing his feelings after the encounter with V’Ger and learning that his love was reciprocated. Their first kiss. Their first time making love.

_Spock?_

Jim was speaking to him mentally, still kissing him. He was scared. Spock sensed in him mighty grief at his loss, overwhelming joy at finding him again, hurt at his distance, admiration for his mind and strength and character, fondness for his alien idiosyncrasies, frustration at his sometimes cold manner, and love. So much love.

Spock smiled internally. _Yes, my James. I am here._

_Oh, thank God!...oh, sweetheart..._

_Ashayam...my t’hy’la._

* * *

“I am returning to Vulcan within the hour,” said Sarek. “I would like to take my leave of you.”

“It was most kind of you to make this effort,” Spock said.

“It was not an effort. You are my son. Besides, I am most impressed with your performance in this...crisis."

“Most kind.”

Sarek looked contemplative. “As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet.” He paused, taking a great pain. “It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.”

“They are my friends,” Spock responded.

“Yes, of course.” Sarek seemed almost amused by the idea. “Do you have a message for your mother?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. Tell her...”

His eyes momentarily flicked over to the man standing some feet away, awaiting him.

“...I feel fine.”

Spock wasn't looking at Jim anymore, but he knew he was smiling.

Spock held up the ta’al. “Live long and prosper, Father.”

Sarek returned the gesture. “Live long and prosper, my son.” Then he took his leave.

Jim approached him, and with only a single look between them, they left the room together.

_At his side. As if you've always been there and always will._

* * *

In the event of Jim's “demotion” back to Captain and the rebirth of the _Enterprise_ , a small party was thrown in Jim's apartment in celebration. Dr. McCoy was invited, of course, as was Mr. Chekov. Mr. Sulu came with his husband, and Miss Uhura attended with Mr. Scott. Dr. Chapel and Janice Rand, who happened to be in town, also were invited.

They put on music and Uhura sang. McCoy cheerily poured everyone drinks and made toast after toast, finally becoming too intoxicated to speak coherently. Scotty told jokes. Chekov babbled to anyone who would listen that humpback whales originated off the coast of east Russia. Everyone danced and chatted and it was the lightest they had felt in a long time.

Spock, after a while, had stepped out onto Jim’s balcony. The breeze blew peacefully, and the city of San Francisco hummed quietly below. Strange to think of their recent adventure and look at the same city now, 300 years later.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jim had joined him on the balcony.

“No,” replied Spock. “I am not thinking about anything at all.”

“Well, that's grounds for an intergalactic holiday,” Jim teased lightly. He came up behind Spock and rested his cheek against his shoulder, his arms around the Vulcan's waist. “I love you,” he said lowly. His arms tightened around Spock slightly. “And I'm so glad I have you back. _All_ of you back.”

“Forgive me,” Spock said softly. “My memories must've been corrupted in the transference from Dr. McCoy’s mind to my own. I had forgotten.”

“Spock, you _gave your life_ to save all of us. You have nothing to be sorry about,” Jim said. “I'm just relieved I didn't lose you for good.”

“I will do my best not to get lost again,” Spock vowed.

Jim slowly turned him around. “Marry me,” he whispered, staring up into his eyes.

Spock raised his eyebrows. “Jim-”

“I know we've always said we're not the marrying type and that we didn't need to officiate our relationship to be together, but I don't care - _I want to marry you_. It doesn't have to be a big ceremony, just exchanging rings and our friends there to bear witness. Spock, you're the love of my life, and losing you showed me that I don't want to be with you in an easy or casual way. I want to tie myself to you in every way two people can be bound together. I'm sorry, I know I'm probably being illogical or too emotional or whatever but-”

Spock silenced him with a deep kiss. Jim relaxed in his arms and returned the kiss passionately.

“My James,” Spock murmured. “There is nothing I want more in all this universe than to be yours, both in spirit and by law. Yes, _ashayam_ , I will happily marry you.”

“Spock...” whispered Jim, capturing his lips once again. They kissed on the balcony for the next few minutes.

“Oh, _God_ ,” groaned McCoy in disgust, walking in on them. “Should've known it wouldn't take you two very long to get back to swapping saliva. You mushy old geezers disgust me, you know that?”

Jim laughed, still holding Spock close. “Bones, you're older than both of us. Besides, a man should be allowed to kiss his fiancé if he wants.”

“Well the least you could do is wait till you're in priv-” Bones halted. “Wait. _Fiancé_? You mean you two are finally tying the knot?!”

“Jim just now, as you humans would say, ‘popped the question’,” said Spock.

McCoy scowled. “Goddammit! My money was on at least another six months. Now I owe Uhura 50 credits. You couldn't have waited just half a year, Jim?” Without waiting for a response, the good doctor turned and strode back inside in a huff.

“It seems we’ve upset Dr. McCoy,” said Spock, slightly amused.

“He’ll get over it,” smiled Jim, snuggling up to Spock's chest. “Want to go back inside?”

“In a while. For now, I wish to just enjoy the view.”

“Of course.” Jim didn't extract himself from Spock's arms, but stayed with him, staring off into the city below them, and the starry sky above, and they almost thought they could hear whales singing in the distance.


End file.
